haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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