he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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