But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
