I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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