Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
