i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
