I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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