When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
