i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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