I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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