I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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