i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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