I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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