I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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