So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
