Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I AM VODKA MAN
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
