Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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