I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
