Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
