So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
