I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
