she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
