Don't make out with my wife yet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Randomize
