remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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