It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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