seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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