Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
is that a dick in a sweater?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
