If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
