Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
