the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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