where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
