Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
honey bunches of taint.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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