That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
