I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
