Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
