I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
