Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
