So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
