You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
