it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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