If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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