last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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