I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
