So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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