Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
