Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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