Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
