pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
