I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
