I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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