dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
