Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
