Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
