This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize