I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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