I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
