The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
