Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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