dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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