Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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