I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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