Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
