Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
