he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
