then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
