what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
