So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
